I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
