Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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