You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
