I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
