She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize