OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
