You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Screwed.edu
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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