D3 body, D1 cock
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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