I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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