there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
