well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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