capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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