I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
