Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
