dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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