i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
