Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize