If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
