im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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