wrigley field is MILF paradise
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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