So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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