The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize