the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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