You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
