i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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