I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
