no, he came in my armpit
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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