I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
