i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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