just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
