I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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