u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
