Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
