The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
