i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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