3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
