Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i now understand why vodka
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
