Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
