I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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