Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
