I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
