the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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