Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
