I accidentally had phone sex last night
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
