Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
