Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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