I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
