It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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