i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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