i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
