I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
