It's Friday. Sex?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize