how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
