She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
