Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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