News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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