turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
FUCK WHALES
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
