I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
