Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
