Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
