she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
