wat bout pragnant strippers??
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
