i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
