So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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