I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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