i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
