You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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