Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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