Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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