so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
