a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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