Im at strip club and am horny
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
