One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
