This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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